So I am writing this blog, sitting in my LA apartment looking out at the downtown as I’m perfectly placed high in the hills.
If you could see me, you would see the smile on my face that’s ear to ear.
My passion is bleeding through my veins as my fingers are happily typing these words to you.
I fucking feel alive.
A few months ago I sat in the same spot. And I couldn’t find a word to write. Perhaps not even a character.
My passion escaped my body and my mind couldn’t articulate its meaning, especially not on paper.
Where did I go?
I lost myself.
I am very thankful for the few wins I had over the last 2 years, but that came parallel with several downturns that spiraled into empty fuckery.
I moseyed through a path of chasing the high life filled with designer, back door entrances and Lambo show outs.
It looks cool. And some moments can be hard to regret. Can you blame a girl that misses a day of important meetings to hop on a PJ across the country?
It was extremely easy to be blinded by the shiny objects and even more so when it became as accessible as locating the sun in the sky.
But where did it lead me?
Sitting in the same seat, with the same view I had months ago with an empty heart and depleted mind.
But how must I be the entire opposite now writing to you?
Saying I had a coming of age would be a pleasurable way of putting it.
But, because I want you to feel the power of this switch. I am going to give it to you raw.
I got my fucking head out of my ass. I removed the ignorant ego I had with showing off the high life.
I let go of the idea of being the cool kid in town and choosing to live for the day instead of a meaningless night.
I surrendered to any control and power I had over the people around me.
And simply put I quit searching for validation.
You’re probably thinking holy shit. Some of you probably didn’t even think I went this far off the edge.
I ran a good game.
But to be frank with you it’s a part of life and I am not ashamed of myself. Hence, why I am not afraid to put this out there.
I worked since I was 16 for everything I had with an intense amount of family trauma I neglected. Any therapist has told me “well it doesn’t surprise me” or “I have seen this before.”
Look, there are many reasons I am putting this information out to you. One of them is, it’s okay to fall off track, as long as you can be fucking real with yourself and admit the reality of having your head up your ass and create the actionable steps to do something about it.
But also, because I want you to see that the fancy life isn’t all that you may think it is. And it’s important to move through life following a passion and never losing grip of what that is for you.
I tried starting this FB group 2 years ago, youtube, a podcast you name it.
And guess what? I have done nothing.
And here I am two years later doing it all.
And you can too.
Let passion and love fill your veins as we keep our heads down and never lose sight of who we are and what we can do.